Every parent wants their child to walk with their head held high, be proud of who they are, and believe in themselves enough that they aren't afraid of any challenges that the world has to offer. It's every parents dream to have a child that is able resist peer pressure, walk their own path, and not feel the need to compromise themselves to make friends. And with bullying becoming such a problem for the kids of today, it is more important than ever that our children have that self esteem that they so desperately need.
But raising a child with self confidence isn't necessarily as easy as it sounds. For starters, if you overindulge your child then you might be faced with a spoiled child, one that doesn't understand that their actions have consequences. If a child feels like they can do no wrong then they can wind up in more trouble later on in life because they aren't used to having to having anyone to answer to when they do something wrong.
Then again on the other hand, when you don't raise your child to be proud of themselves, it is much more likely that they can become victims of school bullying because a child who lacks confidence is less likely to stand up for themselves and more likely to believe the negative things other people say about them.
As a parent, how do you raise a confident child without raising a spoiled child?
Praise the Good
Even if your child doesn't come in first every time, the important thing is that they try their hardest in whatever they do. No child is perfect at everything and it is okay if your child is not good at sports, math, or whatever else all his friends are good at. The important thing is that he tries his best and he is a good sport. Kids can be more competitive than we give them credit for. So if your child is down on himself for not scoring that winning goal or acing that spelling test tell him what he is doing right and how proud you are that you know he made his best effort.
Be Firm But Fair
There will always be times when your child messes up, they are still learning. And as a parent it can be very hard to see your child's side of things when they have done something that hurts your feelings or they have done something that you never thought your child would do.
Kids need rules and consequences, but what they need most is love. That doesn't mean that you let the rules and consequences fly out of the window, what it does mean is that once you set a punishment you should stick with it but also let your child know that once the punishment is over, it is done. No matter how upset you get you shouldn't bring up their past wrongs or talk about their mistakes once they have paid for them. Instead, praise your for what they do right and tell them that since they have completed their punishment it is finished and you guys can move on.
Don't Be Afraid to Be Silly
Many times kids feel like there is a barrier between them and adults. And for the most part, it should be this way. After all, adults are the role models and they should be respected – no parent wants their kid talking to them like they would talk to their friends on the playground. At the same time, your child needs to feel comfortable enough around you that they will want to come to you when they have problems and most importantly you want your child to be confident enough that they aren’t afraid to tell another person if they are making them feel uncomfortable, (even if that person is an adult). Taking some time to really talk and be silly with your child every week will let them see a completely different side of you and it will also strengthen your bond. But being silly with your kids isn't just about letting them see you in a different light, it is also shows them that they can feel comfortable, confident, and self assured around adults.
Watch Your Words
Every parent has rough days. Every parent is going to have a day when nothing seems to go right with their child and that child is really pushing their buttons. When this happens to you it is important that you do whatever you need to do to calm yourself down. This can be counting to 10, putting your child in time out while you take some time to cool off, or even letting your spouse watch your child while you take a drive.
It doesn't matter what you do when you are stressed, what does matter is how you handle that stress. You don't want to punish while you are angry and more than anything you want to be careful what you say to your child.
Remember, being frustrated with your child is not like being frustrated with another adult. Kids tend to believe whatever their parents say about them and if you call them names, say things that will hurt them, or make them feel bad about themselves those feelings will stay with them long after your argument is done.
You want your child to know who they are and believe in themselves. Following these simple tips will help you to have a better relationship with your child and help your child to feel better about themselves.